


New Year Fools' Day

by Darth_Nonie



Category: Justice League of America (Comics)
Genre: Fluff and Humor, Gen, Gender or Sex Swap, Other, Team Dynamics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-01-01
Updated: 2006-01-01
Packaged: 2018-02-11 19:21:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2080110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darth_Nonie/pseuds/Darth_Nonie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>JLA: Before Identity Crisis, otherwise any time the JLA lineup includes these characters.</p><p>Some memes are funnier when they're more realistic about body types.</p>
            </blockquote>





	New Year Fools' Day

"So whatdid Zatanna wantusall hereintheWatchtowerfor anyway?" Wally asked as he returned with the bottle-opener and set it down by the champagne.

"Comic relief?" Oliver suggested, settling his green cap further into place. Superman smiled, but Batman only steepled his fingers in remote annoyance.

On the central viewscreen, the usual televised pictures of Times Square showed the crowd waiting for the ball to drop, but the announcer's voice suddenly cut off as the picture changed.

A stylized cartoon version of Zatanna danced across the screen with top hat and cane, turning on one shapely heel to face the viewscreen directly. "Hi, team! Happy, um, New Year Fools' Day! Here's your holiday gift!"

In closeup, 'toon Zatanna tilted her head to one side and winked. "Don't worry, this is temporary. And you can each reverse it at any time by saying my name backwards. Ten, nine, eight...."

Batman touched his keyboard, and the notation "ANNATAZ" popped up in one corner of the screen.

"I believe we all could have figured that out ourselves," said the Martian Manhunter, but they all went silent as the count ended:

"...Three, two, one. Go!" said Zatanna, and the screen exploded with cartoon fireworks and went blank.

Batman sat back abruptly, hands falling away from the keyboard.

"Oh," said Manhunter in awed surprise.

Superman and Wonder Woman looked at each other. And looked at each other again, and blinked.

Flash said, "Oh wow," and came to a complete stop.

"O my God. O my fucking God," said Green Arrow, slowly. "Look at you. All of you."

"And you," said Batman dryly.

The Flash was the first one to touch himself. "Good Lord. I've got a rack."

"That's--not exactly what I've got," said Wonder Woman dubiously.

"Oh, dear," Superman said, and looked down.

His uniform had changed to match. They all had. He was still in the familiar colors, tights, cape, and all. But his S logo was a little...lower. Exposing the top of his cleavage, and very nice cleavage it seemed to be.

He looked around again.

The Flash was--touching himself. Bouncing himself. And warily lowering one hand to check other parts of his anatomy, which no longer bulged his pants in the same way. Despite his jittery movement, he was beginning to grin.

Wonder Woman looked thoughtfully at the wall for a moment. "I believe," she said mildly, "I'd better not go home to the Island until this wears off." Her golden breastplate still showed an eagle, but its unfurled wings were splayed across her manly chest, and the eagle's head crested in the hollow of her throat. 

She looked up and smiled at Clark. "I wonder if we could fit each other's clothes?"

"I would say it's likely," said Batman. Clark looked quickly in his direction, but Bruce was shrouded in the usual cape, his face in shadow.

J'onn, however, was paying no attention to the rest of them, his vision focused inward with an expression of sheer wonder. He was fully alien now, not the intermediate form he normally took around human beings, but only by analogy to the rest of them could Clark guess this more delicate frame must be female. Clark would have thought a shapechanger would take this more casually than the rest of the League, not less, but from J'onn's expression he must be experiencing himself, or the universe, in a very different way.

Green Arrow, meanwhile, was -- surprisingly attractive for a woman of his age, Clark thought, but as their eyes met, Oliver cocked one shapely hip and sashayed in his direction. "Hi, sailor, come here often?" he lisped.

Clark blinked.

Oliver dropped one wrist and minced over to Wonder W-- To Wonder Man. "Gosh! Who does your hair? It's just mahvelous!" Clark blinked again, and Diana looked helplessly at the rest of them.

"Cut it out," said Flash. "Arrow, what's wrong with you?"

"Can't you take a joke, big boy?" Oliver fluted.

Bruce's deep...alto...voice cut dryly in. "Ignore him; it's just panic."

"What?" said Diana.

"As I'm sure you've noticed, his self-image is too tied up with his...personal equipment. Hence, the temporary loss of it has left him disturbed and afraid."

"Hey!" said Green Arrow, and reached threateningly towards his quiver. "What are you talking about? Why don't you show us what YOU've got?"

Bruce raised one shadowed eyebrow, and Clark couldn't help but smile. "He's got a point. You wouldn't happen to look like, oh, Catwoman, would you?"

"Hardly," said Batman, and shrugged the cape back fully as he stood.

"Oh," someone said.

There was a moment of silence.

Getting control of his disappointment, Flash said judiciously, "I guess that makes sense. I mean, most of us, sure, we're in good shape, but it mostly comes with our powers. Except for Arrow, of course, but he mostly practices the bow."

Clark laughed. "He's right, you know. You do work out for hours every day. So you would be a little..."

"...Butch," Wally finished.

"NOT my type," said Oliver. "Thank God. I mean, if I found you attractive even in this form, I really would have to kill myself."

"Oh, I don't know," said Diana, and winked. She ran her man's hand over Batman's still-massive, striated bicep in speculation. "I think it suits you."

"Thank you, I suppose." Bruce said, with what might almost be a smile on his square-jawed face. "But I'm afraid you're not my...usual type. At the moment."

Wally, who watched a lot of television, dropped his voice. "'I'll be in my bunk,'" he said.

Diana turned and looked at him. "Oh?" she said. "And which one of us will you be imagining? And in which form?"

"Who needs an imagination?" said Wally comfortably. "I've got a nice pair of twins to keep me company." And with a bright smile and a final two-handed bounce, he was gone.

"Annataz," Oliver said with relief. "Hand me that champagne."


End file.
